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10 Tips to Address Anger Issues

Anger

Rage

Exasperation

Wrath

Hostility

*An intense emotional reaction demonstrated by an intense outburst and uncomfortable actions due to confrontation with hurt, challenge, or threat.

To the observer, not a pretty sight:

As David Banner often said, "You won't like me when I'm angry."

I talked about the emotion of happiness in the last post. We'll jump across the emotional spectrum today and look at anger and ways to control it.

Read: 18 Ways to Be Happier

We get angry. There is no doubt that it's a common emotion, felt by everyone. It is one of the steps in the grieving process and is a strong motivator in the "fight or flight" response that humans develop early as a survival instinct. In these cases, anger can nudge you to move toward a positive change or outcome.

"Controlled anger leads to positive action." 

-Todd Stocker

Anger has its purpose. But when you are angry all the time, it is hard on you and everyone around you. Anger takes a big toll on your physical and mental well-being. Loved ones and co-workers will try to avoid you, or spend their time walking on eggshells, fearful of the next outburst.

It can ruin relationships. It can derail promotion opportunities. It can lead to isolation and depression.

Many of us get angry but try desperately to hold it in. That can create a problem if the situation creating emotions of anger and frustration isn't' eliminated or addressed. We need to communicate those issues to seek resolution or risk repetition of action that created those feelings.

Personal disclosure time. Anger issues had plagued my personal and work life for years. Looking back, I'm grateful Barb, the kids, and past team members still want to have anything to do with me. Things are better now, but that crazy person driving in front of me can still trigger some choice words. (Working on it.)

Anger indicators

Sometimes anger involves physical attributes such as:

• An adrenaline-induced boost of energy
• Tenseness - clenched teeth, tight fists, stiff neck, etc.
• Increased body temperature
• Rapid heartbeat
• Shortness of breath
• Elevated blood pressure
• Headaches
• Tingling sensations

Sometimes anger involves outward expressions such as:

• Shouting
• Throwing things
• Hitting things or people
• Verbal assaults in the way of insults or sarcasm
• Cursing
• Silent treatment or sulking

Anger Issues

Although anger is an emotion that we all encounter, it becomes a problem when it appears out of control or begins impacting your personal and work relationships. 

Anger serves a purpose when it initiates new-found energy to direct toward unresolved issues and pushes you toward solving your problems. That's beneficial at work or home.

Anger is not an asset when it leads to physical altercations, verbal abuse, or property damage.

Anger becomes an issue when you:

• Cannot manage your temper or modify your reactions
• Risk harm to property, yourself, or others
• Have frequent outbursts
• Continue to hold onto anger, long after the incident has passed
• Are prone to react badly to even the simplest of questions
• You are tense or irritable often
• You show intolerance for other people's mistakes
• You respond at intensities far above what the moment calls for
• You can't let things go, holding onto grudges
• You display your anger in fits of rage by slamming doors, hitting walls, throwing things, etc.

Do others see you as an angry person?

Anger Management

Anger management is complex depending on your willingness to see your rage as a problem. Self-awareness is an important first step just as it is for most personal growth.

You'll want to give real attention to anger management if you have trouble communicating your frustrations, or regularly act out destructively. You never want your anger to result in harm to yourself or others.

Anger should not be left unchecked. Continued anger affects:

• Heart health
• Immune system
• Anxiety
• Stroke risks
• Depression
• Stress levels
• Lungs
• Brain activity
• Substance abuse or addiction
• Life expectancy

If you can relate to some of the symptoms listed above, I have some steps that will help you address anger with a measure of control and composure.

10 Tips to Address Anger Issues

1. Take a Moment

*The first step in taming anger issues is to learn how to respond to rather than react to situations.

*Count to 10 before saying or doing anything. During that time, your heart rate will slow and frequently your anger will subside. If madder, count a little longer.

"When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." 

-Thomas Jefferson

Read: 20 Things Not to Say in an Argument

2. Take a Breath

*As you grow angry, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow. Control your breathing and you will control your anger.

"When you are angry - stop, breathe, relax, step back, think, and forgive before you react." 

-Debasish Mridha

3. Take a Trip

*Sometimes counting to 10 won't do the trick. You need to physically remove yourself from the circumstances.

*Take a nature walk. Take a drive. Even brief exercises can help calm your nerves and reduce your anger. If the problem is grand, maybe an overnight trip is in order.

"Anger is a valid emotion. It's only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don't want to do." 

-Ellen Hopkins

4. Take a Timeout

*Sometimes it helps just to take a moment, go sit by yourself, and process all the information, allowing your emotions to reset to neutral.

*If you have been experiencing daily anger, it may be good to schedule yourself daily for mindfulness or meditation.

"Love wins when reflections wind over reflexes." 

-Abhishek Shukla

5. Take a Mental Vacation

*Let your mind go to a happier place. Think about an upcoming celebration, vacation, or previous moment in time. Allow those feelings to replace the consuming rage.

*Learn to use and repeat some phrases that help your emotions de-escalate. Examples are "Take it easy," "I've got this," or "I'll be okay."

*Visualize yourself in a relaxing scene. Take note of every detail in your mind until inner peace replaces pent-up hostility.

"Calm is the best revenge." 

-Bangambiki Habyarimana

6. Take a Song

*Slap in the earbuds and let the music carry you away from those bad feelings. Music can get you to a happier place in record time.

7. Take a Pen

*Express your feelings on paper. Take a moment to collect your thoughts. Writing will clear your head, make sense of your thoughts, and may allow you to rehearse your response.

*Journaling (which you see me frequently recommending) can help you track emotional triggers. That will allow you to handle future encounters or avoid them altogether.

*You can even write down all the angry things occupying your mind on paper, or in an email, then toss the written tirade, or delete that email, once you've vented.

"When your emotions are in motion, take a break and ponder!" 

-Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

8. Take a Partner

*Sometimes you need to vent. Seek out a trusted friend or mentor to express your feelings of frustration and rage. They may be able to give you a new outlook or help you process your feelings.

*If anger persists, consider seeking professional help from a licensed provider or clergy.

"Do not let your anger lead to hatred, as you will hurt yourself more than you would the other." 

-Stephen Richards

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." 

-Mark Twain

9. Take Action

*If something specific triggers your anger, see if it's a problem that can be solved to avoid future episodes.

*Find a positive outlet for your anger. Volunteer, email your congressman, or perform a random act of kindness. Do something to harness that negative energy into something positive.

"We can achieve more in a moment of compassion than in an hour of anger." 

-Sam Owen

10. Take a Look

*Look within. Is your level of anger in line with the situation? Could you be overreacting? 

*Look at the issue from the other side. Practice empathy. Walk a mile in their shoes and see the situation from their side of the fence. Sometimes that's all it takes to gain a deeper understanding and become less enraged.

*Look for forgiveness. Forgiving someone who did you an injustice or angered you takes some serious emotional fortitude, but as we've discussed before, you do it for yourself, not for them.

Read: 8 Steps of Real Forgiveness

*Look with gratitude. When you take a grateful posture, you take the focus off the wrong that's being done. This can offset the feelings of madness the current circumstances hold. 

"When you forgive those that hurt you, they no longer have control over your future happiness. Their anger keeps them a prisoner to your past, while you enjoy the present." 

-Shannon L. Alder

"The one who angers you, controls you. Let your anger go and become free." 

-Chinese Proverb

Anger can be managed. Taking steps to develop healthy communication skills, allowing you to be assertive, rather than aggressive, when confronting challenges will help.

Bible Verses on Anger

I've offered up some notable quotations about anger. As a man of faith, I always want to check out what the Bible has to say about a subject. Concerning anger; God has a lot to say.

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." 

-Psalm 37:8

"But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth." 

-Colossians 3:8

"Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare." 

-Proverbs 22:24-25

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." 

-Proverbs 15:1

"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." 

-Proverbs 14:29

The Bible is clear that we cannot be our best selves unless we learn how to control our anger. In fact, He states many times that we are to let Him fight our battles and exact justice when necessary.

And don't forget to take your anger to Him in Prayer.

Read: 6 Ways to a Better Prayer Life

Final Thoughts on Anger Management

Anger that motivates us toward positive results is a vital part of human experience. Anger that is frequent or that pushes us into negative behaviors towards ourselves or others needs to be reined in. 

Out-of-control anger can produce toxic outcomes that have long-lasting consequences for you and your relationships long after the event is forgotten. 

It is okay to say how you feel if you do so with respect and consideration. Again, the difference between assertive and aggressive.

From personal experience, it takes work to tame the angry beast (I still must take a whip to it regularly) but doing so gives long-term benefits to your health and relationships.

If you put earnest effort into the steps outlined above and read additional material on anger management (my recommendations below), but still have concerns, it is important to seek help from a mental health professional. They can determine if there are any underlying physical issues and recommend a treatment plan if necessary.

An angry life is a sad life.

Manage anger and you'll wonder why you ever let it have a hold on you.

Now go live your best life!

Dan

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" 

-James 1:19