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5 Tips To Handle Regret

Regret

Regret is as common as sand on a beach. It's an emotion that everyone experiences during some part of their life. A Harvard Business Review study showed that 90% of people have had a major regret or are having one currently.

When we feel remorse, guilt, disappointment, or even shame because of some choice that we've made, we have regrets. If we wish to go back in time and change what we said, didn't say, did, or didn't do, we suffer from regret. 

On the plus side

Regret shouldn't get a completely negative reputation. Regret is an emotion, and like any other emotion, it is in and of itself, neither good nor bad. It's just a feeling.

When that feeling stops you from making the same or similar choice in the future, that's a plus.

When that feeling teaches you to learn more about a situation before you act in the future, that's a plus.

When that feeling leads you to be more adventurous and live life more fully, that's a plus.

That's why I am giving you tips to HANDLE, not ELIMINATE Regret. 

I want you to be able to get through, not over your regret.

On the negative side

When that feeling of regret results in ongoing shame, pain, and guilt that consistently weighs you down, that's a negative.

When that feeling creates decision-making paralysis and constant fear of failure, that's a negative.

When regret unpacks sadness, low self-esteem, sleeplessness, withdrawal, and bitterness, that's a negative.

Regrets most common themes

Studies have shown that most of the things we regret fall into a few main categories:

• Doing something against our core faith, rules, or values
• Relationships. Making wrong decisions or taking wrong actions involving others
• Impulsiveness. Doing something or saying something without good reason, or before knowing all the facts. 

Personal Note. You that are part of my regular following know how my dad and son both died in 2021. My very first blog was about experiencing my son's death from Covid-19 that year. 

I regretted not going to see my dad sooner (we planned for summer, and he died in March). I regretted not taking my son to the Grand Canyon (we waited until summer, and it was too hot for him by then, so we passed). We would try again in the cooler months, but he passed in October. I had to work through my regrets using the tips I cover here.

In general, people hold onto regrets more often over inaction in their lives as opposed to the wrong action they've chosen. 

If you can't shake the feeling of regret, I have some tips that will help you better handle regret and move on.

5 Tips To Handle Regret

1. Self-Honesty

Don't lie to that person in the mirror. Being honest about your feeling of regret is the first step in handling that emotion properly. 

When I ask people what they regret, they answer, "Nothing. I wouldn't change a thing I've done", it leaves no starting point for healing or improvement. Telling yourself the truth helps you develop strategies that can alleviate future hurt or mistakes.

You have regret. Allow yourself to feel it. Remember that the emotion of regret isn't bad or good. Your response to the feeling results in a good or bad outcome.

The path to enlightenment starts with acknowledgment.

"It's nice to look back on your life and see things as lessons, and not regrets." 

-Rihanna Fenty

2. Self-Acceptance

You are not your regret. You must accept your humanity and know that you have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. Separate what you've done from who you are.

Embracing your imperfections and feeling of regret may decrease their ability to overwhelm you now and in the future.

You can't let regret move in and take up permanent residence. Accepting it as a genuine feeling to process allows you to move it from the shortcoming of feeling guilty to an experience to build upon.

3. Self-Growth

Lose the rearview mirror. Put the "I wish" talk to bed and set your sights on the future. Once it becomes a history lesson and not a choice, you can begin improving your habits and responses, improving your decision-making and self-control going forward.

Make a list. You've seen me talk about journaling and lists throughout many postings because it works. Jotting down your regrets about both actions and inactions can realign your future actions with your purpose.

As you turn regrets into experiences, even minor changes in your thinking will prevent you from repeating those same mistakes and avoiding future feelings of inadequacy.

Pull out the positive from the decisions you make. Use that to continue your personal growth and be better prepared to achieve better outcomes.

Regret can be painful.

Change can be painful.

Change is less painful.

Choose to change.

"When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." 

-Alexander Graham Bell

4. Self-Love

Banish negative self-talk. There is absolutely no benefit in "I shoulda, woulda, coulda." Often regret comes after we've done or not done something because current information has changed our perspective. Love yourself enough to let go of what you can't change.

Forgive yourself. Don't let what you've done dictate who you are. Express true remorse, apologize, and let it go. Once the anchor of guilt is lifted, you can sail toward the life you desire and deserve. 

Make sure to daily speak positive things into your life. The Bible says "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he:" - Proverbs 23:7. So show yourself some love and talk to yourself as you would anyone you love.

Read: 40 Positive Affirmations...

"Worrying about past regrets does nothing to change the past. Your future is where your focus should be." 

-Catherine Pulsifer

5. Self-Belief

What you believe is important. 

What you believe about God shapes your faith.

If you believe God is real, loving, and forgiving then you anticipate that you are looked after, and the best is yet to come.

Read: A Matter Of Faith

What you believe about yourself shapes your actions.

If you believe you are bad, then you will do bad. If you believe you are good, then you will do good. Your decisions and actions conform to those beliefs.

Believe that you are good and deserving. Accept regret as a marker. A point of reference to allow you to better align your future actions closer to the things you value most.

Be grateful for the lessons taught and believe that you are capable of being a better version of yourself moving ahead.

More thoughts on Regret

The feeling of regret is real. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it should be managed just like our other emotions.

Using these tips to handle your regret will take practice but is imperative to your mental, emotional, and physical health. Extract the positive life lessons and send regret on its way.

Handling your regrets doesn't give you a free pass. But you can't rewrite your history, you can only learn from it.

Your story is yet unwritten. If you are breathing, you still have chapters left to write.

Don't let regret be a leading character.