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Conflict Resolution
Conflict is normal.
It is a part of life. It is a part of any healthy relationship. How mundane would it be to live in a world where everyone always agreed on everything? How would we teach? How would we learn?
The important thing is to not be afraid of conflict or run the other way but to embrace conflict by learning to resolve our differences in a positive and healthy way. When conflict is handled correctly, bonds are strengthened, and relationships are improved.
What is conflict?
Conflict is NOT just a disagreement. It occurs when one or both of you feel threatened (it doesn't matter whether the threat is fact or perception). It occurs when there is a belief or stance taken that is so far apart from the other that no solution can be foreseen.
Why bother to resolve it?
Ignored conflicts tend to grow and evolve and can indeed make mountains out of molehills.
Conflicts not addressed can foster ill will weakening the relationship by eroding trust, emotional ties, and caring, introducing rejection, anger, fear, isolation, stress, and a strong belief that the relationship is not worth salvaging.
Ongoing conflicts can affect immune systems, mental health, stress levels, and anger issues, and create destructive habits that can sabotage healthy relationships.
Simply put, conflicts are a wonderful opportunity and a chance to build a foundation for a stronger and more lasting union.
It is then important to realize that conflicts will arise and can be resolved. Having confidence in your ability to navigate through the conflict can help turn dread into optimism. Here is the process I have found works for me.
8 Steps To Resolving Conflict
1. Pick Your Battles
-Is this really something you want to make a stand on?
-Will this take care of itself long-term without harm to me?
-Can letting go this time strengthen my position in the future?
2. Value The Relationship
-Don't put off addressing conflict. Approach it as a part of promoting long-term stability.
-Approach the situation with curiosity and RESPECT
-Don't make personal attacks.
-Stay in the present. Don't replay past conflicts and differences
"One person caring about another represents life's greatest value"
-Jim Rohn
3. Recognize Different Views
-We each respond to conflicts based on our perceptions, history, and environment
-Use this time as an opportunity for personal growth
-Know that you are not always right and they are not always wrong
4. Listen To Understand
-You want to be heard. Let them have that chance
-Listen actively without tuning out to work on your response
-Don't get defensive
-Be aware of body language. What they say might not be what they mean.
Paul McGee
5. State Your View With Respect
-Begin statements with "I".
-Don't be accusatory. "YOU" always...
-Communicate your needs calmly and quietly
-Use terms like "You have a valid point but this is why I see it differently"
6. Avoid Escalation
-Tame your emotions. Hard to think clearly during a tantrum
-Don't take your fight outside. Involving others is rarely beneficial or trust-building.
-Do not fight fire with fire. If tensions are increasing, be willing to take a pause.
7. Choose Resolution Over Pride
-Expect a positive outcome
-Make the solution the priority over "winning" or "being right"
-Be willing to forgive. Sincerely
-Be willing to apologize. Sincerely
"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."
-Proverbs 16:18 KJV
8. Confirm Resolution Was Real
-Stay motivated until the problem is solved to the satisfaction of both
-Someone simply submitting is not a resolution
-Continue to observe body language - giving in does not equal happy
-Ensure everyone felt seen, heard, and valued. That will result in future trust
Consider Resolution Complete when an agreement is reached that absolves or mostly resolves the differences that first developed the rift.
Collaboration can result in a win-win situation. Using the steps outlined can result in that happening more often than not.
DISCLOSURE: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning
I get a small commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links.
As an
Amazon affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
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