Covid-19 Took My Son

 October 11, 2021

As a parent there are so many dates that make up the lives of your children that you look forward to with anticipation. The date of their birth. The date of their first day of school. The date of their graduation. The date of their wedding and others.

October 11, 2021 is marked on my calendar as the date my son died from complications related to Covid-19. It's not a date that any parent anticipates and even now as I write it down it shortens my breath and moisture makes its way to my eyes.

Greg was 42 years young

The World Health Organization (WHO) just announced the "official" end of the COVID global health emergency, not before the virus killed more than 6.9 million people worldwide.  The New York Times reports that 900,000 New Yorkers alone lost at least 3 Loved Ones to Covid. That means that a whole lot of people share a story like mine.

You would think that would provide some comfort.

"I measure every Grief I meet With narrow probing eyes - I wonder if it weighs like mine - Or has an Easier size" - Emily Dickinson

It does not.

I remember like a lot of people watching the daily tallies on the news. The number of new cases, the number of recovery and the number of deaths. Statistics that took on a whole new meaning when my son became one of those statistics.

My heart aches for those that have lost their child unexpectedly no matter how. An accident, gun violence, illness or this virus that intruded into so many lives. How many ways were they tested? How did they grieve? How has time affected that grief? 

I share my story in hopes of helping the journey of others.

My journey is ongoing and has had many stops along the way. Some stops have been made more than once.

FAITH

I leaned on my faith. I prayed. I believed. I trusted.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 KJV

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV

Still my son passed away. 

I then went from asking for my son to be spared to thanking God for being able to have him in my life for the years that I did. I had to realize that I may never know the why in my lifetime. I choose to trust and be grateful for what I had rather than dwell on what might have been.

ANGER

There was no end to who I could direct that emotion to. I was mad at the virus itself. I was mad at the person who brought it to the United States. I was mad at the person who passed it onto my son and wife (she was in the hospital with Covid two floors above our son when he died). I was mad at the government for not doing more. I was mad at the hospital for not doing enough. There seemed to be plenty of anger to go around.

I had to let that go eventually. It did my son no good and certainly wasn't healing the hole in my heart.

GUILT

Guilt is another issue. It rears its ugly head from time to time even though it's less frequent than before.

Did I do enough as a father to protect him? I took a job opportunity in another state where he ended up catching the virus. Would he still be alive if I hadn't taken that job? Could I have taken him to the hospital sooner? Would it have made a difference? 

It is my hope in sharing this that you know that these and so many other emotions that you feel with your loss may not go away but time does ease some of the pain. It's taken me over a year and a half to get here.

I loved my son. I love him still.

STEPS TO OVERCOMING GRIEF

1. Remember and celebrate the life of your loved one
2. Acknowledge your feelings
3. Take care of yourself
4. Maintain a healthy diet
5. Get moving
6. Understand that grief is unpredictable
7. Be patient with yourself
8. Reach out to others dealing with loss